I’m in one of those spells where I need to be quiet despite the fact that there is all sorts of stuff rattling around in my head that needs to be written here. Needs. It doesn’t necessarily need to be written, but I want to write. I like going back through my archives on occasion and seeing what I’ve done in some particular period of time. It gives me a reminder that when I feel like life is just hectic or complicated and hairy, that I was enjoying something at any given time—even if it was just that a plant was blooming in the garden.
Last week I spent a lot of time trying to work on another flower bed, weeding it and getting mulch laid down. On the weekend I would get spurts here and there, an spare 30 minutes or an hour where Forest would oblige me by chilling out in his walker on the porch or reclining back with his pacifier in the stroller. If it wasn’t the weekend I’d spend an hour—if I could—after Forest went to bed before the sun set, getting more work done. Weeds and overzealous plants that needed thinning were pulled, thrown into the grass nearby or into one of the bazillion 5-gallon buckets we have, to later be added into the compost pile.
I miss the days where I would come home from work and hurriedly eat dinner and then spend 2-3 hours in the yard every evening if I wanted. I’d be on top of the weeding, mow the yard, weed-eat the edges where the mower wouldn’t get, pull the grass out from around the trees, weed and take care of the vegetable garden. I can’t do that anymore. My focus is tending to one thing at a time, which is to get the flower beds into a manageable condition before the heat of the summer takes over. Chris does a lot of what I don’t get to but even he isn’t keeping up to the pace he used to.
Something I also want to do is spend time in my studio. I realized a few weeks ago that there are many hobbies that I just won’t ever have the time for or be good at, really the desire isn’t there. One of those is sewing. I have a ton of fabric that I had stashed over the years or it was handed down to me from my mom via my grandmother. I don’t need it. I’m not going to sew. I have done blankets in the past and even started one a few months ago for my friend’s baby, but it hasn’t been finished yet. It really just left me incredibly frustrated. So, I want to go through that as well as go through some of the general crap in my studio that I don’t need or want. It’s really all very low priority-wise but in my mind I want to do it.
The blog here needs a re-design, too. My book needs to be completed on the editing end. Sometimes I get a rush of energy in my mind to complete it but then I just very blah with it because it doesn’t seem very appealing to me to complete.
In other words, my creative juices are just not flowing. I can’t even finish reading books these days. I had a pile of them checked out at the library and renewed one of them three times before I just returned it because my head wasn’t in the game. Most of the time, at the end of the day, what sounds good is laying on the couch and watching tv or catching up on blogs.
Hopefully I can get out of this creative funk someday soon.