Oh boy, the biggest challenge of 2022?
I would say myself.
*Crossing fingers, knocking on wood* this year has thankfully not been nearly as challenging as other years, or like 2020, that is for sure. But, like anyone, there are always micro-challenges throughout the weeks and days. They irk us, force us to reflect, and manage, and move on from them. I’m not without all of that.
As the saying goes, “Wherever you go, there you are.” I can easily look back at old journals, emails to myself, and this blog, and realize some of the same things I’ve was either beating myself up about or working on a decade ago, I am still beating myself up about or working on now. I think one of the things I know I’ve brought up here before is that I have a lot of creative ideas and goals. This is nothing new and I can find it reflected in all sorts of writing I’ve done in the last twenty years. I laugh every time I see myself lamenting some inability to do-all-the-things and well, what was true at 24 is the same at 42. I’m not the same person I was at 24 but I’m also the same person I was at 24, ya know?
And I realize how trifling this is as a challenge but when you live with yourself day in and day out, it is certain to bring its own set of anxieties. We do change, at least most of us, if we do any iota of self reflection. But the underlying bones of it our personalities, the skeleton if you will, is still there shaping and forming us. It’s where we have the ability to realize instead of worrying about dyeing the grey hairs (the piles of creative goals to get done, the changes and habits you want to see yourself make) you let the grey shine through and accept that the creative goals and changes will happen when they happen. Progress is progress, slow and as messy as it may be.
That said, I do have some on-going health challenges, one of which I hope to at least have resolved in the New Year. I have had some hip issues for a while and I finally made it to an orthopedist in October who believes it may be Femoroacetabular Impingement, and pending an MRI that I hope to get scheduled in January, surgery may be on the agenda. At the very least, physical therapy. A fun challenge for 2023! And I also have chronic vertigo that I would like to get addressed at some point. I tried to address it in March of 2020 and never followed up because I didn’t want to be in a hospital getting an MRI and other testing done—but who knew that that was probably the safest time Covid-wise to be getting a test like that done! I’ve been limping along with my magnesium oxide vitamins daily and trying to avoid triggers, but that’s hard to do when sometimes reading and sound sends you into nausea-inducing spinning, nevermind just moving my head certain ways. So, I guess in the end, it’s still me being the biggest challenge to myself!
I’m no Swiftie, but to quote Taylor, “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.”