Dear Forest

Dear Forest,

This time last year I was celebrating my semi-first Mother’s Day. It was a little awkward, do you celebrate when you are pregnant? Apparently you do, and your dad got me some flowers and probably some chocolate. I really don’t remember, I had preggo brain and now I have baby brain. It was still weird to think that in a few short months you were going to be in our lives. We still had Samson around with Leo, and life with a kid in the house still seemed like a foreign concept.

Here we are a full year later and I can’t imagine life without you. I mean, I remember it—it was really quiet around here!!—but to have lived life with you for the last 8 months, it is strange to think that at one point I couldn’t have even imagined you.

Forest, you are the best kid we could have ever hoped for! Those two months I was home with you after your birth are slowly fading from being a vibrant memory. I wondered often if you would ever stop peeing so much because we were constantly changing your diaper! We sat together on the couch-chair for hours on end, nursing and watching bad daytime television. I knew to soak in that time with you even if I felt I was useless in so many other ways. The days just filtered by and I wasn’t really experiencing them in my usual way, but instead I sat with you curled up on me or somewhere nearby. The sun would come up and we’d nurse and the sun would set and we would nurse, but I began to appreciate all of those sunrises and sunsets of nursing with you. It was our time together and still is our time together. We’re only 3.5 months out from my 1 year goal of breastfeeding you and I can’t imagine the weaning process right now. Many moms I hear go through a little bit of a depression when they wean and I understand why. Before long you are going to want to go-go-go, toddling around the room and spend time playing and exploring. When you take to food those nursing sessions will slowly taper off.

You crack us up on a daily basis, even when you are cranky. Now that you’ve become even more aware of things you’ve been able to fight getting medicine, learning to blow air out of your mouth or close your lips tight and turn your head. It’s frustrating but adorable at the same time. We talk you through it and I think you are starting to learn that it’s ok, that the medicine in the moment isn’t very fun but it is for your own good.

Even in some of the frustrating moments I still want to hold onto you and eat you up. Sometimes you wake up thirty minutes after I get you down for the night and I’m knee deep in weeds in the garden and have to come back in and soothe you…a lot of times I don’t want to put you back down when you get settled back in and comforted. You look so sweet and peaceful all cuddled up next to me as you reach up and splay an arm out across my chest, or dreamily try to stick your hand in my mouth before you head off to sleep. The best part when we’re nursing is when you grin but your smile is hiding because you are nursing, just pausing long enough to light up your eyes and crack a smile.

The first few weeks we were home from the hospital I cried often, sad that the days had sped up, that you would no longer be so little. Today we packed up your 3-6/6 month clothes that you’ve really not worn much in the last few months. There were so many favorite outfits I loved seeing you in, but there are many more favorite outfits to come. Today I cried because soon you’ll be a year old and I’m already wondering where the time went and wondering if we spent it well. I know you won’t remember your first year of life, but I will. I may have to scratch my head when I’m 80 to think about some of the frustrating moments and I’ll look back with a gleam in my eye at the wonderful ones.

Forest, you are loved so much! I’m so excited that we have this cool little person that we get to hang out with and share and explore the world with. Your dad says I’m so patient and that I’m a good mom, but you know, I’m just doing it the best way that I know and feel I can. There’s nothing special to it all, you just have to hang on for the ride!

I love you munchkin! (and if you were awake I’d be chomping up your cheekies because you are so delicious!)

Love,

Momma